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Carrion Luggage #1103825 added December 17, 2025 at 9:57am
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Great Balls of Cheese
I have decided to turn this blog into a cheese-themed one.
Okay, no, just kidding. But cheese is my favorite condiment (bread is the only food; everything else is a condiment), so you get cheesy links from time to time. This one's from Salon:
As with any recipe, they can't just give you the recipe. Oh, no, can't have that. Gotta write the Ph.D. thesis first, then get to the recipe.
I know it's for search engine fuckery. I don't have to like it.
In this case, it gives me something to comment on.
For years, the cheese ball has been my quiet party superpower.
Me too! I'm always a cheese ball at parties.
A well-made cheese ball has gravitational pull.
If only I could attract people by being a cheese ball. No, wait, I don't really want that. Then there'd be people around.
Visits to my grandmother’s house always began in the same place: the refrigerator.
How's that dissertation coming along?
[Her cheese ball] was a marvel of its genre: cream cheese, sharp cheddar, a splash of Worcestershire, a spoonful of sugar, crushed pineapple, pecans.
Snark aside, that does sound damn delicious.
That cheese ball has stayed with me all these years...
Around me, it wouldn't last three hours.
And cheese has, of course, become the modern shortcut. The board. The wedge. The baked brie doing its annual molten collapse.
Confession time: I'm not a big fan of baked brie.
Don't get me wrong: I'll eat it before I eat anything that's not cheese or bread. It's just too messy. Like a sloppy joe when I could have a hamburger. I'm just not into messy food, is all.
“Cheese balls are celebratory and fun, but sometimes the flavors feel a little outdated,” Erika Kubick, author of “Cheese Magic”, told me in a recent email.
Some flavors never go out of style. Like the myriad flavors of cheese.
(Her most popular recipe from her first cookbook, “Cheese, Sex, Death,” was the Everything Bagel Goat Cheese Ball, if you were wondering.)
And if you were wondering, yes, that parenthetical sentence is the real reason I'm sharing this.
There's more dissertation there before it gets into the recipes. Yes, recipes, plural. Now, I haven't made these. I'm probably never going to make these. There's no point to doing a cheese ball for oneself; not when one can simply add different toppings to one's sad, lonely cracker.
But maybe someone out there will like them. |
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