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Carrion Luggage #1104100 added December 21, 2025 at 9:50am
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Yule Hate This One
As today is the only day around this time of year that has any meaning for me at all, I thought it would be an appropriate time to take a break from our usual programming for a personal update.
A couple of weeks ago, without noting it (or expecting anyone else to), I posted an entry here that marked six straight years of daily blog posts. The streak started in the previous blog, but when that one filled up, I just continued here.
I feel accomplished and all, but at the same time, it means I haven't done anything in the past six years significant enough to make me take a break from blogging. Even the trip to Europe, which had been put off since certain events restricted travel, featured a daily blog post, if only a brief one.
But, at the same time, it also means I didn't get sick enough to miss a day, and hell, that's a good thing, especially considering the "certain events" I just mentioned made a lot of people sick or dead.
Still, this time of year always fucks me up, no matter how good I've objectively got it, and not to brag, but I've objectively got it damn good. That could, of course, change at a moment's notice, and almost certainly will now that I've mentioned it out loud. I'm taking the chance because it's relevant to the rest of my rant here.
This December has been worse than others, though. I've withdrawn even more than usual, avoiding as much human contact as possible (and accepting as much feline contact as possible). Again, I emphasize that this is not due to anything bad happening to me in life, or any of the myriad stupid things I've done; it's just the way the season works for me. The season, layered on with the existential dread of facing one of those horrid "multiples of 10" birthdays early next calendar year.
Hell, it's gotten so bad that I haven't had a single delicious fermented and/or distilled beverage since the 5th (an appropriate day, because 5 December is the anniversary of the 21st Amendment, which repealed prohibition). I'm used to going days between drinks, public perception (which I promote) to the contrary, but over two weeks? I don't think I've abstained for that long since grade school.
It's not that I've forced abstention on myself; I just plain haven't felt like drinking, and I don't usually make myself drink when I don't feel like it. Next calendar month will probably be an exception—the concept of Dry January is personally offensive to me, so I'll try to do what I did last year, barring illness or other extenuating circumstances: have at least one alcoholic drink every day. Point is, I usually drink when I'm feeling really good or really bad, and this month has mostly just been a mental shade of beige.
Don't congratulate me on that, by the way. It's not some sort of big accomplishment. I'm not recovering from anything, and, planned observation of Ginuary or not, I'm sure I'll feel like having a beer soon. Perhaps even today, to mark the solstice in my usual fashion.
And the solstice does represent change to me. Which is odd, because the whole point is that the path of the sun in the sky remains very close to the same for the days preceding and following it. Still (pun intended because "stice" means "still"), there's an objective, measurable moment (10:03am this year, based on my time zone, which should be shortly after this gets posted) when the Sun seems to hang perfectly above the Tropic of Capricorn, pausing there as if to rest before resuming its half-year journey northward.
This is, as I've harped on for many years, the Reason for the Season.
Anyway.
Astronomical shifts or not, tomorrow, I'll probably get back to the usual format in here. I just wanted to take the time to inflict some of my not-feelings on everyone. Thing is, I don't want anything to change, right now. Any change will almost inevitably be for the worse. But if it does, I hope I can continue to face it with a laugh in my heart, the wind in my hair, and a beer in my hand. |
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