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Carrion Luggage
Carrion Luggage
 
Native to the Americas, the turkey vulture (Cathartes aura) travels widely in search of sustenance. While usually foraging alone, it relies on other individuals of its species for companionship and mutual protection. Sometimes misunderstood, sometimes feared, sometimes shunned, it nevertheless performs an important role in the ecosystem.
This scavenger bird is a marvel of efficiency. Rather than expend energy flapping its wings, it instead locates uplifting columns of air, and spirals within them in order to glide to greater heights. This behavior has been mistaken for opportunism, interpreted as if it is circling doomed terrestrial animals destined to be its next meal. In truth, the vulture takes advantage of these thermals to gain the altitude needed glide longer distances, flying not out of necessity, but for the joy of it.
It also avoids the exertion necessary to capture live prey, preferring instead to feast upon that which is already dead. In this behavior, it resembles many humans.
It is not what most of us would consider to be a pretty bird. While its habits are often off-putting, or even disgusting, to members of more fastidious species, the turkey vulture helps to keep the environment from being clogged with detritus. Hence its Latin binomial, which translates to English as "golden purifier."
I rarely know where the winds will take me next, or what I might find there. The journey is the destination.
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Oh, wonderful. More about tipping in the USA, from USA Today.
Okay, well, worrying about the person behind you is a "you" thing. They might be just as fed up with tip creep as you are.
Food "tipping" has become an absolute circus, and I’ve had enough.
"I'm mad as hell, and I'm not going to take it anymore!"
The practice should be a straightforward way to reward exceptional service. Now, it’s a guilt-ridden tap dance where a rogue iPad demands a 25% premium for a slack-jawed teen handing you a muffin.
Don't blame the teen, dammit. They just work there.
Tipping has become a source of national anxiety, a phenomenon known as "tipflation," and frankly, it's exhausting.
Ugh. Anxiety is not what "tipflation" (goddamn stupid silly portmanteau) is. It's the proliferation of tips to inappropriate places, and increasing expectations for percentages.
If we don’t draw some clear lines in the sand, we’ll soon be tipping the self-checkout machine at the grocery.
Some people already are.
In the spirit of restoring some sanity, allow me to propose 10 reality-adjusted food tipping rules for 2025.
Yeah, that'll work out great. (I'll comment on a few here.)
1. The full-service sit-down meal ‒ 18-22%
There's little argument about this one. Until we find a way to do away with tipping culture, this stands. One might quibble with the amounts, though.
2. The counter offensive ‒ 0%
Most dining experiences these days stand in stark contrast to the classic waited table. If you order at a counter, pick up your food from someone hollering a number, fill your own drink and bus your own table – congratulations, you’ve just provided your own service.
I use the McDonald's Rule: if the level of service is that of McDonald's, where you don't tip, then you don't tip.
5. Coffee, cocktails and courtesy ‒ $1 minimum per drink, double it for effort
Coffee shops usually fall into the "counter service" category. Unless they're bar-like. Anything bar-like, you tip.
9. No SALT
Don’t tip on state and local taxes (SALT). The government is literally charging you to eat. You should not pay someone else a percentage of that amount.
Look, the problem with that is: it takes extra work. Say you go and eat out and it costs $25. Locally, taxes amount to about 10%, so the check comes with $27.50 or so. That's going to be the bottom line on the receipt. If you tip 20%, that's either $5 or $5.50. Is it really worth your time to dial in precisely on the pre-tax amount? It just seems really picky to me, when you can just see the final total, double it, and move the decimal one to the left.
Let’s reclaim some common sense in 2025.
No. No, let's not. Common sense is neither common, nor sense.
Conspicuously missing from that list: what to tip a rideshare. And you absolutely should tip a rideshare. |
© Copyright 2025 Robert Waltz (UN: cathartes02 at Writing.Com). All rights reserved.
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Thanks for posting this. I love stuff like this.
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