Snow White’s Lament


I never went to a ball
(Cinderella got all that).
When I was a kid I was fat,
Hardly “The fairest of them all”,

So by the time I was sixteen
And not one boy had called
At the house, I thought it must mean
I was the ugliest of them all.

And soon I was forced to live
With seven men, all rather small
And none of them wanting to give
Me one. No, not I the fairest of them all.

Then came that bad apple lark.
Once bitten, the eater falls
Into a deep, eternal dark
To wait for the most Charming of them all.

Well Prince Charming kissed me: tall,
Dark, handsome. He led me to his bed
And spread my legs. He said
“You’re the fairest of them all.”

Later, when I put on my shawl
And got out of bed Prince Charming
Said, with a smirk so alarming,
“I’m the fairest of them all.”

Of course, he took my number,
And never called.