It turns out that being sober when everyone around you is getting drunk is, well, sobering. You see alcohol in a different light – as a wit-stripping, de-evolving reducer of humanity. I mean, think about it, people can’t manage the most basic functions when drunk: talking, walking, even standing. If you’re really pissed you can’t even sit upright, it’s like being reduced to a baby, pre all those important stages of development.

So, am I off alcohol for life? Definitely not. I hated being the judgemental outsider. Turns out I’d much rather be one of the infantile masses – a nonsense-slurring, swaying, clumsy mess. Why? Because it’s fun.