Hi
Flaming Jess 
My name is Ken and I'm reviewing your work "
Compassionate Choices "
on behalf of "
The Earth Day Challenge"
.
First Impression/Thoughts:
Wow - you certainly covered the full spectrum of environmental concerns
. No one who reads this will ever doubt your passion or commitment.
Creativity/Impact:
I love that you chose a rondeau for your poetry form. It's an old French form that was commonly set to music and, from your bio, you're a music lover. The two things seem made for each other
. I think it shows a wonderful creativity in you that seems to be a part of all you do.
Message/Theme:
While the overall theme is definitely pro-earth, there are hints of animal conservation and anti-big business pollution as well. I think the scope of this - while it all ties together - muddied the waters in trying to get a focused message to the reader.
Technique/Technical Notes: I offer you the following as food for thought and not as criticism. I encourage you to consider what I offer but always follow your instinct and heart. You are the poet.
Title: "Compassionate Choices" I couldn't think of a better title if I tried
Life is about choices and making the right ones is always the challenge. I believe we all need a refresher on the "Hippocratic oath" - First Do No Harm! Well said, Jessica.
Grammar/Wording: You chose words that reflect your outrage over what's happening to our planet and it's non-human inhabitants. Your strident tone certainly will be picked up the readers and hopefully they will feel the same passion and alarm that you do. What I didn't see was your love of semi-colons
Yes, I'm teasing you a bit. I felt that at least in one place, you sacrificed meaning (at least I didn't understand what you meant) for rhyme. It came in the first verse where you wrote "
see the way the sun shines, rising fees."
Form/Flow: OK, this is the part where you'll probably hate me. You chose the rondeau poetry form which I thought was a brilliant choice. Unfortunately, you did not execute it well. The general form (of three stanzas: a quintet, a quatrain, and a sestet) are there.
One of the most important aspect of making a poem flow is rhyme. I always look to see whether the rhymes were natural and sensible or artificial and forced and whether you used "perfect rhymes" or "near rhymes." In the broadest sense of the word, you also followed the rhyme scheme of aabba aabR aabbaR but you used a lot of near rhymes such as succeed/flee and rejoice/noise/Joyces..
The meter of a rondeau is not specified other than "lines 9 and 15 are short - a refrain (R) consisting of a phrase taken from line one. The other lines are longer (but all of the same metrical length)." In verse 3 (line 15) you added words to the refrain and your meter varies from 9 syllables to 14.
Poetic devices: Nice alliteration with "compassionate choices." Good use of enjambment to pull the reader from line to line.
Emotion/Imagery: This was definitely the strength of this poem. You have a way of bringing such depth of emotion that it's clearly the centerpiece of this wonderful poem.
Overall Rating/Final Thoughts:
An uplifting and - yes - challenging read. Your dedication and belief comes through clearly and I found myself shaking my head in agreement with each line. Thank you for sharing your imagination and talent with me today.
Writing is about communication and this is what I saw in your work and is provided solely for your use. It's offered in a spirit of wanting to give you honest feedback... nothing more.
Keep writing! Wishing you all the best for Earth Day 2014,
Ken
 You responded to this review 04/25/2014 @ 7:43pm EDT |
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Review #3981933
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