Hello,

My name is Mastiff and I'll be reviewing your piece. These are just my thoughts and forgive me if I ramble, and realize I make just as many mistakes as anyone else. Thank you for sharing your writing, and I hope this is helpful! We're raiding our own this month.

Title: Well, I've had this window open a couple days, not quite ready to write. The song stuck in my head. So thanks for that! Stuck on Maui sounded good as well.

Initial Reaction: I stop after after a bit and see if the piece is for me. Looked like it could be fun, and besides, how else was I going to get rid of the title song earworm!

Setting: Easier for those of us who have been there, of course, but easily identifiable to any one. I liked Big Beach, myself.

Character Development: You could have told us more about you. Even just briefly would have given us insight.

Plot: Well, I'd have to say any plot that reminds me of a time when I went somewhere is good. On a longer story, you can give more detail to those who have not been there.

Ending: Bummer! It's all a dream! Ouch...

Line-by-line and Suggestions:

Para. 2 Ln. 3 - Most people would contract there in normal speech.
Para. 9 Ln. 2 - Consider a comma after "account."
Para. 12 Ln. 6&7 - You use snow twice. You might consider a synonym.
Para. 23 Ln. 4 - Consider italics instead of caps.
Para. 24 Ln. 3 - I think it's a fragment.
Para. 24 Ln. 5 - Comma after the ).
Para. 39 Ln. 1-4 - Rework the quotes.
Para. 58 - It could use a little work on the punctuation.

Overall - Not bad at all for that many words.

Happy Writing!

Mastiff