A changeling spirit,
constantly evolving,
revolving around an inner core,
spinning forth legend and lore,
stories and lives
as I come to grips
with who and what I am,
have been and may be.
I am a phoenix:
rising ever above and beyond!
Hiding a review instantly removes
it from your view. Public reviews that have been hidden are not displayed on
the public review listing page.
Given: Nov 25, 2018 at 9:44am
Length: 1,130 Characters |
1,073 w/o WritingML
Ha ha ha ha ha ha! What a beautiful solution (or two. Or six ... ?) you've found!
I love every bit of it. The build up, the scenario, the solution -- just flows brilliantly. What a light touch you have while writing about a dilemma and how it was finally solved!
Favourite parts -- They were in JAIL?
Also loved how each side was worrying about the other, that was really cute!
The solution, of course!
Suggestions:
1. In the 'genre' you've picked 'contest'. I think you mean 'contest entry'.
2. The layout -- I think some change in font / colour and centralising it would enhance the impact.
3. In a couple of places I found some minor issues with commas and double quotes, I think if you glance at it once more, you'll catch these instances.
4. Um -- from the first night, you jump straight to one month later. I'd actually have liked another verse in between those two, over the intervening time.
5. The first verse, last line - I think the phrase 'in such a hurry' might be redundant.
Review #4453124
My review has been submitted for consideration in "
You have not yet responded to this review.