callmetj's InkSpot
Review #4649117
Viewing a review of:
 Out of The Water Open in new Window. [13+]
Two teens, a boat, and something in the water. Written for Chapter One Contest
by tj wanderlust-words-in-motion Author Icon
Review of Out of The Water  Open in new Window.
Review by Cubby Author IconMail Icon
In affiliation with The WDC Angel Army  Open in new Window.
Rated: 13+ | (3.5)
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A  Chapter 1 Image Review

My reviews are intended to be helpful and encouraging, not hurtful in any way. Use what you feel works for you, and leave the rest.


First Impression Great job with the dialogue between Zeke and Chad. *Smile* It flows well and feels natural. Your story begins well, too. And aside from the typos and run-on sentences, I think you have a good first chapter here. You leave the reader with lots of questions, which is great! Who saved Chad? How can Zeke still be alive? And more! You've captured my attention, for sure. *Wink*

Thoughts/Suggestions (just silly little typos)

*Bullet* “Holy Crap!” He exclaimed --> “Holy Crap!” he exclaimed
*Bullet* “What kind was it?” Answered back --> “What kind was it?” Chad answered back
*Bullet* towards to capsized craft. --> towards the capsized craft.
*Bullet* then he felt water filling his mouth, he was choking, and then it was black. --> then he felt water filling his mouth; he was choking, and then it was black.
*Bullet* they believed, in time, Zeke’s body would surface, but it was a big lake with a lot of currents, he could even have drifted into the river and been washed miles away. --> they believed, in time, Zeke’s body would surface, but it was a big lake with a lot of currents. He also could've drifted into the river and been washed miles away. (this is one option) *Smile*

Favorites

He was sure he had seen long red hair and the bare skin of her back, but then he saw the tail, the same fishy tail they had witnessed from the boat.

*Notebl* Please do not be discouraged by the rating. It's mostly because of the technical issues which can be easily fixed. But please DO NOT edit until the winners are announced. *Smile*


Have a great day and...*Quill*
  K e e p on W r i t i n g !
Cubby ")
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About The Author
My writing doesn't follow any set genre, it's interdependent of my mood and all that's taking place in life. I'm still finding myself, what I write constitutes the markers along the path of that journey. With time, many things will manifest in my work and perhaps I will pursue one or two genres. For now, it's not, "What type of writing is my passion?" "Writing is my passion."