 First Impressions:
Wow, the universe really conspired against Sophie in this story! At first read, it seemed that everything that could go wrong did go wrong. All she wanted was a bar of chocolate, and who could blame her? After a stressful day at work, we often reach for something to take our minds off it and make us feel better. For Sophie, it was that bar of dark chocolate, which seemed like a small ask. All she had to do was drive a short way to the store, and that’s when fate decided it would make it as difficult as possible for her to obtain the chocolate. A less determined person might have given up at the first hurdle and had that conversation with her sister while making her way back to her apartment. Or perhaps they would have turned back when they hit traffic or got delayed by the endless freight train. Not her though; she was going to have that chocolate whatever happened. It didn’t come as a surprise to the readers that the store had run out of the one she wanted, and part of me expected another hand to reach out for that lone bar she spotted in the wrong place on the shelf. This story could have gone on longer, but mercifully (for Sophie) you let it end there, with her finally succeeding in her quest.
 Suggestions:
The story was very polished and I only have one tiny suggestion. It’s hardly worth mentioning, but I stumbled over a phrase that stuck out:
she turned onto a side road, only to be forced to stop
she pressed the gas…only for a cyclist to swerve
The repetition of the wording (“she did this, only for that to happen”) was quite noticeable as these two descriptions were in two consecutive paragraphs, and I would suggest replacing one of them with a slightly different phrase.
 Final Thoughts:
It all seemed rather unfortunate for Sophie, but of course it could have been far worse. Nothing really terrible happened to her; she didn’t get into an accident in the snow, for example, and in the end, she got her prize. So it was all just delaying her, trying to put her off, testing her resolve but rewarding her when it was clear that she couldn’t be swayed. There’s a lesson here for all of us: If you want that chocolate bad enough, there is nothing anyone, not even the universe or fate, can do to stop you. Or something along those lines 
 My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!"  .
 You responded to this review 02/12/2025 @ 11:44pm EST |
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Review #4799784
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