 First Impressions:
This was a poetic and deeply emotional depiction of a soul transitioning from life to death. The first sentence was a great hook - the narrator seeing his own body lifeless on the ground. There was a sense of confusion and denial as he tried to interact with the world around him but quickly realised that he was invisible and intangible. The readers then joined him in his confusion when the timelines began to blur, suggesting the narrator was moving beyond linear perception - did he actually die, did the truck hit him, or was it some kind of warning what might have happened? The readers conclude that he must have died because he had a vision of heaven, but he wasn’t ready to enter yet, not without seeing his mother one last time and perhaps saying goodbye. After an emotional reunion where she told him to rest, he was finally ready to let go.
 Suggestions:
The story was well written and I only have a few small suggestions:
I believe in the Holy Spirit,the Holy Catholic Church
There is a space missing between the comma and “the”.
I plunged myself into a small hut.
This sounded a little heavy-handed when everything else was so poetic. I think it was the use of the word “myself” that didn’t quite fit, and I would omit it.
After few moments of deafening silence
There seemed to be a word missing, “After a few moments”.
 Final Thoughts:
The story powerfully captured grief, disorientation and the yearning for connection, and there were some beautiful, evocative phrases. It wasn’t an easy read and I found the narrative a little abstract and difficult to follow in places, but I’m glad I persevered because overall this was a great read. I can imagine this tale would resonate strongly with readers who have experienced grief.
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Review #4815973
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