Hello Amethyst Angel h✟k ♡

Thank you for taking the time to enter the May 2025 round of the "Invalid Item" .

Enclosed please find the following official judges' review, for your consideration.


Positives

I like that you took the "haunted car" trope and put a bit of a spin on it, where it wasn't the prior owner tormenting the new one. The characters were engaging, and there was a good mix of detail and dialogue that kept the narrative moving along.


Suggestions

You did such a great job describing the details of the car, the characters, etc. that it kind of makes the generic setting stand out as underdeveloped. You have such a vibrant way of describing everything else, that driving down "a quiet country road that ran parallel to the mountains and headed toward a state park" felt a little flat by comparison.

The scheme that Dan and Reema come up with to suss out whether Dr. Sebring felt a little overwrought. There were a lot of assumptions made that had to play out perfectly for the plan to pay off the way it did; it would have been great to have thought through the plan a bit more and come up with something more open-ended so it didn't feel so railroady (i.e., that the narrative couldn't really have resolved any other way).


Overall

Overall, this was a fun read and an entertaining entry for the contest. Nice work!


I hope you've found this review helpful, and thank you again for entering the contest!

Respectfully,

Jeff is Gru in #2343485
"Rating & Reviewing Philosophy" 

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .