About This Author
I am a 40 year old married mother of two teenage boys. I live for writing, especially romance. Love the happily ever after scenerio. The best thing about writing for me is the ability to lose yourself in your work, and feel as if you've accomplished something great. At the end of the day, that's all that really matters.
Review #4827443
Viewing a review of:
 Neighborly Open in new Window. [13+]
Robert and Al argue over grass clippings
by Purple Catching Up Author Icon
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#4827443
Review of Neighborly  Open in new Window.
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Rated: 13+ | (4.0)
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*PenB* First Impressions:

Well, they seem lovely! *Rolleyes* It looks like you had bad luck when your neighbours moved in - I assume from the genre ‘Experience’ that this is based on a true story. As neighbours go, these are among the worst - the kind you cannot reason with without getting a mouthful of abuse, or even a punch in the face. They seem to have no common sense at all. Robert, on the other hand, was very sensible. He did the right thing; first when the neighbours needed help against the stranger who was causing havoc, when he got between the fighting men and got punched for his trouble, and then when he decided to walk away from all the yelling. I can’t blame him for not speaking to them again!


*PenG* Suggestions:

The story was well written and I only noticed a couple of small errors:

First, there was placed on the side of the garage two days after Al moved in.
You didn’t say what was placed there. The next sentence makes it clear that it was a large mirror, but this sentence seemed to be missing an object for the verb ‘placed’. I would also suggest using a more natural active voice. Something like, “First, Al placed [an enormous mirror] on the side of the garage two days after he moved in.”

he would ignore thme and move on
Just a typo, “them”.


*PenP* Final Thoughts:

I wonder what happened after they stopped talking. Did they continue their argument silently, with Al putting his garden rubbish in Robert’s bins and Robert tossing it back, or did Al stop this silly behaviour? Did they move out and nicer neighbours move in, or are they still living there, perhaps years later, with the animosity still continuing? Or did Robert decide to move away? It might be worth just another sentence or two to say how it all ended, to satisfy the readers’ curiosity. It’s a good sign that I am feeling curious at the end of this story; it means that it was interesting, and I felt for Robert who had to put up with this nonsense. I hope there was a good outcome for him at the end.




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