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Given: Sep 4, 2025 at 2:12pm
Length: 1,889 Characters |
1,228 w/o WritingML
OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW
Thank you for entering the 2025 Edition of "Invalid Item" !
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I like the backstory that's been added to Dan's character; it really fleshes him out in the reader's mind. Unfortunately, I also found this piece a bit confusing because the way the story started out, Dan seemed justified in leaving his parents behind when they kicked him out, but then all of a sudden in the middle of the story he considers himself "an ungrateful prodigal" (which seemed like a random self-characterization that hasn't been established yet) and seeks to reconnect with them as the party who hurt them.
Which is not to say that time and perspective can't cause people to change their point of view and/or seek a change in a relationship dynamic, but if that's the case it needs to be much better established how Dan went from "fine, I don't need you" to "it's my fault, and I need to make amends with them" later in the story. It was a pretty sudden leap in the progression of the story.
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Review #4833218
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You responded to this review 09/13/2025 @ 3:31pm EDT