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Given: Sep 4, 2025 at 2:12pm
Length: 1,952 Characters |
1,296 w/o WritingML
OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW
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I enjoyed the twists and turns in the plot of this story. Having someone pose as a company executive to hire them when he's really trying to damage a former employer is a great twist. I did think some of the dialogue was a little clunky and got in the way of an otherwise enjoyable narrative.
One suggestion I have for improving dialogue is to spend time listening to the way people in real life talk to one another. I've noticed a tendency in your stories toward expository writing (two characters who know each other, saying something they already know solely for the benefit of the reader), and melodramatic exchanges (like the manager posturing and yelling at Reema and Dan on the phone, only to turn around and hire them). I struggled with the same problems with my dialogue with my early writing efforts, and I think if you can apply a bit more authenticity to the way your characters speak to one another and interact, it'll take your writing to a whole new level.
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Review #4833219
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You responded to this review 09/13/2025 @ 3:27pm EDT