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There was a part of me that expected there to be an evil grin on his face at that joke at the end, perhaps one that she only saw as a reflection when he thought she couldn’t, and when she tried to pull away he held her tighter… I’ve read too many horror stories and most don’t have happy endings, so it was a twist I didn’t expect. To be fair, you didn’t put this in the Horror genre but you chose Mystery instead, which fit the story perfectly. The titular book was introduced quite early on in a little aside when Allan cut the conversation short because he had to read a book, but the readers had to wait longer to find out what that was all about.
You revealed the issue with the book slowly so the readers had time to get to know the main character. At first, I thought she was a young adult who struggled to deal with a break up, perhaps in denial if she kept running after him even though he didn’t want to be with her. The twist I was expecting was that she was delusional and they never had a relationship to begin with. That wasn’t what happened at all. In fact, after the initial introduction to her, she came across as quite mature and made every effort to find out about the book and resolve the issue. She was lucky that the bookstore owner actually knew about the book - just because it was found next to the dead man behind the story didn’t automatically suggest that. She was also more fortunate than Allan because even when she touched and opened the book, she was able to resist it.
The story was well written and I only have a few small comments:
wedding bells midst final exams
“Midst” usually needs a preposition, so you could either say “in the midst of final exams” or “amidst final exams”.
Feeling dismissed, Sophia left the store and wrapping her coat more snugly around her to protect herself from the chill rain that fell she walked back towards the campus and home.
That sentence felt a little convoluted and I would suggest breaking it up into two sentences to make it a little clearer, for example, “Feeling dismissed, Sophia left the store. Wrapping her coat more snugly around her to protect herself from the chill rain, she walked back towards the campus and home.”
They struggled for what seemed like hours
Time seemed to stand still for an eternity
I probably wouldn’t have had an issue with the hyperbole here had it not been for the fact that you used two similar cliches in one paragraph. I would recommend getting rid of one of both of them and replacing them with a description of why it felt that way. Maybe something like, “Their struggle dragged on until Sophia thought she didn’t have any strength left.” and “Sophia froze, and all she could hear was the ticking of the clock as neither of them moved.” Something like that, only better 
Overall, this was a very engaging read with a strong sense of pacing and atmosphere. I liked that you built up the mystery gradually and gave Sophia agency in trying to solve it, instead of leaving her passive or helpless. There were some great descriptions, for example the cat walking with the tip of her tail whipping back and forth like a metronome, which I thought was excellent. The supernatural twist with the book worked well, and the ending managed to be both unsettling and satisfying. Even though I was waiting for the darker twist that never came, I appreciated the surprise of a hopeful ending. It made the story memorable in a different way.
 You responded to this review 09/07/2025 @ 4:06pm EDT |
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Review #4834120
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