Viewing a review of:

[E]
Senyru: Japanese form of poetry similar to haiku, but more about human nature than nature.
by SusanFarmer

Credit this reviewer

#4834693

Review of Journaling

Review by Jayne

In affiliation with The Free Folk

Rated: E

| (5.0)

Access: Public | Hide Review (?)

"Invalid Item" is celebrating A QUARTER CENTURY of Writing.Com!

Overall Impression
I like the use of color to amp up the brevity and reinforce the theme of transformation and self-questioning. The layering of hues and ending on green is a great way to indicate growth. It feels like a senryu, while also feeling slightly surreal.

Form, Rhythm, Cadence, Style
You’ve done well with the compact structure. While the dash before “who” is an intentional interruption, the dash placement feels more in line with free verse, and visually resembles haiku. I know the two are often mistaken for each other, but I also know punctuation isn’t entirely prohibited in this form. Would parentheses around (who?) add anything while retaining the meaning and differentiating itself from haiku? It’s entirely stylistic, so it’s not a deal breaker either way.

Content
Despite its small size, the theme of identity is well laid out and resonates with the reader. The added “colors” as thoughts are very engaging and add a bit of bounce to the theme.

Grammar and Mechanics
Outside of the dash I mentioned earlier, there are no concerns in this area.

Final Thoughts
An excellent balance of minimalism and deep meaning. Very well done!

Jayne

My approach to reviews: "I'll Explain, but not Disclaim"

My review has been submitted for consideration in "Good Deeds Get CASH!" .

You have not yet responded to this review. Ignore