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Given: Nov 20, 2025 at 9:47pm
Length: 1,490 Characters |
1,013 w/o WritingML
OFFICIAL JUDGE'S REVIEW
Thanks for entering the October 2025 round of "Invalid Item" !
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I enjoyed all of the action and excitement in this story. You did a great job with the pacing and keeping the narrative unpredictable with a lot of twists and turns.
Where I strugged a bit was with the characterization and the narrative tension. The mob offers Frank a job, offering to pay him money but also threatening him, and going back and forth. It seemed a little weird that, if they had leverage on him, they wouldn't just compel him to do it and save the money. It was a bit of a convoluted plot to set him up and fix his life completely only to ruin it for him again, when they could have just ruined his life from the beginning.
Overall, I enjoyed the read. I think there's some room for improvement if you ever revisit this story with an eye to rewrite, but it was a quick, entertaining read as it is. Nice work!
Review #4844552
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You responded to this review 11/27/2025 @ 10:43am EST