My review of Meeting Simon.
This really touched me, especially knowing how deeply Og Mandino’s books have shaped the way I see perseverance, faith, and inner dialogue. Reading this felt like watching one of his characters step off the page and into your life, not as something mystical or forced, but as a quiet companion who shows up exactly when needed.
What I love most is how natural it feels. You didn’t overexplain or try to justify the moment. You simply let the presence exist, the way Mandino always allowed wisdom to arrive gently, through reflection rather than spectacle. It reads less like fantasy and more like recognition, as if part of you already knew this encounter was possible.
There’s warmth and sincerity here, along with a sense of gratitude rather than awe. That matters. It honors the spirit of his work without imitating it, and it makes the moment feel personal rather than borrowed. I believe many readers who have carried Mandino’s words with them will understand this completely.
This was a joy to read, and I’m really glad you shared it.
I have a very strong faith in God, and to me, Simon feels like Jesus or perhaps an angelic presence. I truly believe we receive messages in quiet, unexpected ways, which is one reason reading the Bible and returning to familiar spiritual texts can be so grounding.
One small craft note, offered gently: at times the story felt a little jumpy to me as a reader, particularly in the transitions between moments. I occasionally found myself wanting one more grounding detail or a brief pause to better understand where we were emotionally or physically before moving on.
I think this is less about content and more about pacing. If you slow a few sections just slightly and let certain beats breathe, the narrative will feel smoother and more immersive. The voice and intent are already strong; this is really about giving the reader a clearer path to follow you through the experience.
Suggested Corrections & Craft Improvements
Opening Emotional Intensity
The opening is emotionally strong, but it comes in at full intensity immediately.
Consider adding one grounding detail, such as where the narrator is, the time of day, or a physical sensation, before or alongside the sobbing to help orient the reader before the emotional flood.
Repetition of Emotional Statements
Phrases like “more bad news,” “unexpected bad news,” “more problems,” and repeated crying or sobbing convey distress clearly, but some repetition could be trimmed for greater impact. Tightening here would allow the emotion to feel sharper rather than heavier.
Inner Monologue vs. Spoken Dialogue
The story frequently shifts between spoken words, internal thoughts, and prayer. At times, it’s unclear whether a line is spoken aloud, thought internally, or directed as prayer. Clarifying these transitions, even subtly, would help smooth the flow.
Punctuation & Ellipses Overuse
Ellipses are effective in places, but they appear very frequently. Reducing them slightly would give more weight to the moments where they remain and improve overall readability.
Book References as Anchors
The list of books is evocative and relatable. You might consider briefly signaling why these particular books matter emotionally, not just as distractions, to deepen their relevance.
Transition Into the Vision/Encounter
The shift from reading into the encounter with Simon is intentionally dreamlike, but it could be smoothed. A stronger sensory cue, such as drowsiness, warmth, heaviness, or drifting, would help the reader recognize that a threshold has been crossed.
Simon’s Introduction
Simon’s voice and presence are compelling. You might consider offering a slight hint as to whether he is meant to be taken literally, spiritually, or symbolically, just enough to ground reader expectations without explaining too much.
Dialogue Attribution & Capitalization
Some dialogue tags and capitalization (for example, “livingroom” versus “living room,” or lowercase “he” following dialogue) could be standardized. A careful proofread here would elevate the professionalism of the piece.
Theological References
The references to Og Mandino, Reinhold Niebuhr, and the Serenity Prayer are thoughtful and meaningful. You might consider slightly condensing the explanatory dialogue so it feels more organic and less instructional.
Ending Impact
The ending is quiet and reflective, which suits the piece well. You could strengthen it by echoing an image or emotion from the opening, creating a gentle sense of closure rather than simply stopping.
The heart of this piece is very strong, and the emotional honesty comes through clearly. Most of the suggested changes are about smoothing transitions, clarifying perspective, and tightening repetition so the message lands with even more clarity and grace. The story already carries warmth and spiritual resonance; these adjustments would help it feel more grounded and polished without losing its sincerity.
Thank you for asking for a review. I hope these notes are helpful. If you decide to make changes, I would be very happy to read it again.
You did a wonderful job with this story. Keep writing.
Kind wishes,
Tee
For your convenience here are a few mechanical errors to look at:
wanted to share just a few small, mechanical notes that would help polish the piece. None of these change the voice or meaning, they’re simply light cleanup items that often get missed in early drafts.
There are a couple of word-form and spacing fixes to consider. For example, “anymore” is usually written as two words in formal prose (“any more”), and “livingroom” should be “living room” throughout.
A few capitalization details could be standardized, such as mid-sentence capital letters (for example, “Please” in dialogue, or “he said” following quoted speech). There’s also one instance where a sentence begins with a lowercase “and” that may just need capitalization or completion.
There are a couple of quotation mark issues where a quote opens but doesn’t clearly close, and one spot with an extra quotation mark before dialogue. These are easy fixes but will help clarity for the reader.
Ellipses are used effectively for tone, but you might want to choose one consistent style (either spaced or unspaced) and use it throughout for a smoother presentation.
Finally, a few book titles could be adjusted to standard capitalization conventions (for example, A Wrinkle in Time).
Overall, this is very clean mechanically. These are minor polish items rather than corrections, and a quick proofread would address them easily. The heart of the piece comes through clearly.
And last- one of the ways to distinguish voice is regular quotes for spoken, italic for inner dialogue, although I like single quote for my writing.
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Review #4852650
