And I thought I was cynical.

On an otherwise decent writing forum, I'm learning that for many writers, the critique process is not actually about helping the writer improve their work, but more about weeding out the "wimps," probably so there's less competition. At least that's the impression I'm getting. I understand that some people favor a blunt style of critiquing. But some people, like myself, don't. Just because I think one can offer an honest and helpful critique without using words like "horrible" and "suck" and "stupid" apparently means I'm "too thin skinned" for the whole process of writing and critique. Silly me, that believing in courtesy means I'm a wimp.

I find it odd that those who insist that "Bluntness does NOT equal rudeness!" can't seem to accept the equally true fact that "Tact does NOT equal wimpiness and false praise!" I fully understand that somebody can offer a blunt review that somebody will find helpful. But not everybody handles bluntness the same way. And IMO, that does not necessarily mean one needs to "grow a thicker skin," it just means we all perceive and react to things differently. One person will grimace but not make a noise when their arm is broken. Another person might scream and cry. Would you tell the second person to just "toughen up" or "grow a thicker skin" because they react differently? Well, I guess some writers would. It's a strange double standard that they insist their type of reviewing should be accepted, but they can't seem to understand that my type of reviewing is just as valid (and, in some cases, a LOT more helpful).

There are only a very few voices that speak up to say that they tailor their criticism to suit the needs/skills of the writer being reviewed. Praises to them. They have it right. The world needs more such people. What's bothered me about the "Golden Rule," "Do unto others as you would have others do unto you," is that not all of us WANT or need the same things. It should be, "Do unto others as THEY would have you do unto them." Yes, somebody might need a really blunt review to get the point and improve their work. But somebody might need tact and courtesy. And that by no means means they're a wimp who can't handle the truth. If this were so, schools would just throw out every student who gets less than a B on everything because they can't cut it and they're not worth spending time on.

I couldn't understand algebra in college, and could not keep up with the class. What did I do? I asked the teacher for extra help after class. And I got an A. I needed a different kind of help from what was given to the other students. Does this mean I wasn't cut out for it, I should've failed the class? According to the reasoning of these writers, yes. That's certainly disheartening, that our needs and skill levels are all being lumped into one catch-all category and if you don't fit in, well, tough luck, less competition for us, bye-bye.

"Well, if you can't handle OUR criticism, you're never going to handle an editor!"

So? Critics and editors are two different parts of the process. If a writer can't handle publication rejection, that's too bad for them, yes. But I'm not talking about publication, I'm talking about helping the writer improve their work. Key word, HELPING. NOT throwing somebody out on their ass as "not good enough." It's a publisher's job to reject a writer's work, not the critic's job. Let the writer face the sting of editorial rejection when it comes. That's then, not now. For the most part editors and publishers are not out there to HELP us improve our work, they're there to see that we get published (or not). The critique process is about helping the writer improve, and for some people, criticism filled with words like "suck" and "horrible," no matter how honest, doesn't cut it. Even if the review contains merit, that merit is lost once a more sensitive writer shuts their ears to such words, and doesn't that rather nullify the whole point of the critique process?

I've had people try to "tough love" me with my writing (and with other things in life). Remember the first person who critiqued Lucifer? He pointed out some character flaws, and problems with the plot, and other details that really need to be fixed. How did he do it? By telling me my characters were total morons and the story was so bad I must be exorcising my demons rather than trying to write a good novel, and he was doing the literary world a favor discouraging me--"Editors won't be so kind to you as I've been!" It was years--YEARS--before I saw any merit in anything he said, because of his bluntness. (This is an extreme--lesser forms of bluntness can have the exact same effect. A condescending/sarcastic tone has no place in any sort of helpful critique, unless it's what the writer is seeking, and some of us really do not find sarcasm helpful.) In short, blunt comments just stop up my ears to receiving any kind of help. The people who've tried to "tough love" me in my life have only discouraged me further and made me want to give up.

Guess what sort of comments, what sort of people, have actually given me the strength to continue, really HAVE "toughened me up"? The people and comments which were courteous and tactful and respectful, even while pointing out the things that are wrong. It's comments and people like that which prove to me that it's worth it to keep writing, and that when I finally do come face to face with the blunt assholes out there, I can stand up to them. Tough love never toughened me at all. Kindness did. Because that's just the kind of person I am and always have been. And I'm sick and tired of others with thicker skin insisting that must mean I'm not cut out for such things. Bullshit. I'm just different from them and that doesn't make me "wrong," it just makes me (and others like me) me. We are all different. Plus, guess who's still writing?

Writers, in critique, are supposed to help each other. That means giving the type of comments that are most beneficial to the individual receiving them. Somebody really MIGHT need to be told, "This story is horrific and you'd really better think twice before trying to submit it anywhere!" in order to get it. But some of us don't need that, and, in fact, if told that, won't receive any benefit from it at all. Is it really so hard to instead say something like, "This story really needs a lot of work if you want to submit it...here's what I would do..."? I don't tell the people who favor receiving blunt critiques that they need to soften up and be more thoughtful. So how come people who favor tactful critiques are told to toughen up or else get out? What happened to helping the individual? What, we're suddenly all on exactly the same footing, the same level, the same wavelength, now, and those who aren't, don't deserve any help? Sink or swim, no life preservers allowed?

I really thought the critique process was about helping one's fellow writer, even if the help they need isn't the type you're used to giving, even if it's the type you don't care to receive yourself. I thought it was about helping the individual. Apparently, though, the critique process is more about weeding out the wimps and stepping over the bodies on the way to publication, too bad so sad for them that they weren't thicker skinned.

Silly me for being such an idealist. I find it very saddening that this is the state things have come to. No wonder so many people who love writing give up so early, if this is the "help" they receive. I just hope I'm not the only one who feels this way, or perhaps it's best I've never had publication in mind. Less competition for them, since they were never in it to help anyone but themselves, right?

Tar...

 

Huzzah!

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Form letter I wish I could automatedly send to all old friends/classmates/acquaintances who try to get back in touch with me:

Hello,

This is an automated message meaning your e-mail has been received by RLH, who now goes by the username Tehuti. It's been my experience that former acquaintances who get back in touch to ask how I'm doing aren't truly interested in the details, so I'll just let you know that I'm still around and that's about it. You have no need to reply to this message as it's also been my experience that a reply is likely not forthcoming. Thank you,

RLH/Tehuti

Seriously. I wish I could rig my e-mail to automatically send this to everybody who tries to get back in touch. Without me ever having to notice or read their messages. Out of sight, out of mind.

My mother received an e-mail from an old classmate (who I wasn't even very close to), who had found my brother on Facebook and got her e-mail address from him, thinking it was mine. The same old bla bla bla--hi how are you, I remember you were really talented in school, let me know how you're doing, bla bla bla. I'm not going to bother replying. Dianne and Michelle taught me my lesson. I really don't understand people's motivations when seeking out old acquaintances. Their motivations must be vastly different from mine, based on the fact that not ONE of the people who have tried to get back in touch with me has bothered continuing the communication in any way.

There are lots of people who I wonder how they are and what they're doing. Do I go looking for them to ask them how they are? No, because I have no real desire to strike up a correspondence with them. In fact, I don't really bother to ask somebody how they are AT ALL unless I want some communication beyond that to come of it. In my view, you don't ask somebody how they're doing unless 1. you know them well and are already in good touch with each other so it's just what you usually do, or 2. you want to get back in touch and strike up an extended conversation or friendship. The first obviously doesn't apply here. So IMO, if you're going to go out of your way to look somebody up, contact them, and ask them how they're doing, you'd better be willing to go through with an extended conversation or communication of some kind. Because to me, the whole "So how are you? Fine? Well that's nice, bye!" thing is incredibly trite and shallow and a waste of my time. I don't WANT to make smalltalk with people, especially not if I haven't heard from them in years. I haven't the time or inclination to chatter over meaningless stuff. So if you don't want an actual correspondence, go bother somebody else.

Face it--how many people really want to know what somebody has been up to or how they're doing? It's well and good if you're doing fine and if you do normal everyday things. But that's not so in my case. How many people, when writing me out of the blue to ask how and what I'm doing, really want to hear about how depressed and desperately lonely I've been for the past several years, how borderline suicidal I am, how meaningless my life seems, how I wake up in the same dreary state every morning, how I've been grasping at a connection with somebody for ages and have been let down so many times that just getting a "How are you doing?" from an old acquaintance pisses me off now? Not to mention what I've been doing--I've seen, all too often, how people's eyes glaze over, how they smile distractedly and turn their heads and change the subject, the mere second I start to mention my writing and my interests. Like I really need more ego-boosting like that. So tell me honestly, when you ask how I am or what I'm doing, do you really want to know? Because if I were to answer you TRUTHFULLY, it would be an extended answer, most of which you probably wouldn't be interested in, and I'd rather just save everybody's time and not bother giving it if the person asking for it is going to just say, "That's nice" and never write to me again.

All the time and heartache and bitterness I could have been spared in life if I'd known ahead of time all the people who were going to leave me hanging, so I wouldn't have wasted all my time and effort on communicating with them like they were going to be my friends! I'd be in so much better a state right now. By now, I've learned to just keep the real answer to myself because nobody wants to hear it. When asked how I am, no matter how awful I'm feeling or what's on my mind, I'll say, "Fine"; when asked what I'm doing, no matter how much or how passionate I am about it, I'll say, "Not much of interest," because those are the answers people want to hear. People don't want to engage in extended conversations anymore, and they certainly don't want to hear how you're doing or what you're doing unless it directly relates to them. I just wish I could figure out, then, why such people continue to look up, find, and get in touch with people like me if they're so damn disinterested. Even though I'm not going to waste my time replying to this one, it still pisses me off every time this happens. It's like dangling a carrot before a hungry donkey that has learned it's just going to be yanked away; the donkey knows it's futile to try, but the hunger (to connect) is still there. Can you really blame the donkey for feeling bitter that it once believed the carrot would not be yanked away...? For harboring the tiny hope that maybe THIS time it won't be, but no longer being willing to try...?

So yes, this is why I wish, every time I got an e-mail or a letter like this, I could just have the program send out an automated message, to save everyone's time, to spare me the irritation of seeing yet another pointless message, and to make my stance known to the people who would otherwise waste my time with their trivial questions which aren't really seeking honest answers.

I really feel like the only person left in the world who doesn't much see the point in reaching out to people unless you want to make a real connection. Relationships nowadays all seem so shallow and meaningless, and I seem to get rebuked as "expecting too much" when I seek more. It's "asking too much" to seek more than a mere "How are you doing? Fine? Well, that's nice, bye"? Seriously? So...when did connecting with people--REALLY connecting with them--become a thing of the past?

I had to get this off my chest, because it's not like anybody out there REALLY wants to know what's bugging me right now.

Tar...

 

I just saw a gob of snow plop atop a squirrel's head while it was eating.
 

I'm so pissed off right now. Yesterday I discovered Google Sites and, thinking this might be a nice way to post my writing on a mirror site, signed up and started posting chapters. You get 100mb free in a sort of Wiki format. I didn't understand it much at first but I figured it out as I went along. I worked on it for a full hour without any problems before logging off, vowing to return later to resume work since I have so many chapters to post, you understand.

Well, I decided to log on later that night and resume work. Not far into it, I start getting a notice at the top of the page that my site has been suspended for violating the TOS. This was a big surprise to me, seeing as 1. my site isn't even PUBLIC yet so nobody could have reported it, and 2. there's NOTHING on there that violates the TOS, I even checked. I finally located the Google help group and the only thing I can assume is that, since I was posting so much work in such a short period of time, Google's Spam protection bots or whatever think I'm a Spammer, and automatically suspended my site. There's a form you can use to contact them in case your site has been incorrectly suspended, so I did that, but I also posted to a thread where others had complained of the same thing, just in case, because in some of the posts it's made clear that Google takes a while to unsuspend you at times. I like to cover all my bases.

That was last night, my site's still suspended as far as I can tell. I'll be patient with that FOR NOW since I don't plan to make it public yet, but if only Google's JavaScript or whatever were as overactive as its Spam protection, since now I can't even adequately work on my site. Oh, it all worked SPLENDIDLY before I was suspended. I can still edit and create things, but now the script or something is malfunctioning all over the place! Firstly, whenever you create a new page, it automatically puts it in "edit" mode so you can add content; you can decide not to, and edit the page later by clicking the edit link, but this is automatic. I didn't mind this until it started not working this morning! I create a new page and it goes into edit mode, then I get a popup saying that IE can't load the page so it's going to be aborted. Then I get the "Cannot display page" or whatever. This was irritating but I could live with it since after I get rid of this error and click refresh TWICE (yes...TWICE...sometimes even THREE times), the page opens in saved mode and THEN I just click the edit link to edit it.

But THEN it started giving me crap with Google's own popups! See, since it's Wiki format, it saves all previous drafts/versions of a page. And for some reason, every so often Google sees fit to show a popup telling you there's a previous version of the page available, would you like to see that instead? NO, I DON'T. But I can't get rid of this popup by telling it I don't want to see the draft, because every time this popup appears, so does the IE error one! I can't get rid of the Google one, and view or edit my page, without getting rid of the IE one--but as soon as I get rid of the IE one, I'm taken to the "Cannot display page." And NO amount of refreshing will fix this. I can't click to get rid of the IE popup and then click on the Google popup fast enough. As a result, can't edit my page, can't even view it. Lousy POS site.

Can I report this error anywhere? Nope, because Google doesn't have a way to report errors with their sites, at least, not directly to Google. You can go to the Google group and ask a bunch of OTHER Google users what to do, but based on what I've seen there, they're just as clueless as I am, and many posts go for a long time unanswered, if they get answered at all. There's no tech support to speak of, aside from the form to report your site being suspended.

It just pisses me off how websites do this. They function long enough for you to think, gee, this looks like a nice site to use, and long enough for you to put a lot of work and time into them, and THEN they start to act like sh*t. As if that isn't bad enough, USUALLY sites have some sort of proper tech support you can contact when things go wrong. I really expected better from Google. Stupid me.

Now I'm mad that I wasted so much time starting out on that site and starting to think it would be a nice place to put my writing. It's like a bait and switch. Keep the site nice and working long enough for somebody to grow to like it, then turn it into total crap. And don't even provide a way to get support to fix it. Why put up a website if you won't have tech support for when things go wrong? Utterly stupid. Why use so much crappy JavaScript anyway when HTML could suffice just as well? Why not allow me to OPT OUT of pages creating in edit mode, and of getting stupid-ass popups telling me there are other drafts of my page available? I know there are! I don't need to be told! I just want the site I put several hours of work into to FUNCTION!

(To add insult to injury, at one point this morning I finally DID get one such page in question to load after getting rid of the IE error and telling it to DISCARD THE OLD DRAFT--I looked right at the page, it was loaded and working and everything--but when I returned to it later, both popups were back! I still can't view the stupid page I made LAST NIGHT WITHOUT ANY PROBLEMS.)

And as if that hasn't pissed me off enough, DeviantArt pulled sh*t too while I was trying to type this entry and froze up the computer for about ten minutes while I waited for the browser to just f**king CRASH already so I can resume doing something!

I wish sites would just act up from the start, so you know not to waste your time getting into them. Or else function properly as they should, and PROVIDE TECH SUPPORT FOR WHEN THEY DON'T. I'll try to keep away for a few days, then see if it's still a piece of sh*t. Though I doubt it'll get any better, if the UTTER LACK OF ANY WAY TO CONTACT TECH SUPPORT is any indication. Why did they even start this site? Just incredibly beyond stupid.

I had nowhere else to vent about this since my parents get fed up and/or can't understand why such things upset me, but this ruined my entire day. I HATE wasting so much time on total crap. I could've been reading or doing something more useful than wasting time posting to a site that won't ever work right (and will be improperly suspended as Spam right off the bat!). At least I got some writing done yesterday and today, but it hardly makes me feel any better. I am just so fed up with things not working as they should.

ETA: While we're at it, I wish Google would SAVE MY F**KING SEARCH PREFERENCES!! NO FILTERING! NO SEARCH SUGGESTIONS! IS IT REALLY THAT HARD TO REMEMBER??

What the hell has happened to Google the past few days? They USED to be reliable and worth using!

 

ZOMG! Prehistoric Copper Mining In The Lake Superior Region arrived today, and I only just bought it on the 22nd! I wish everything came that fast!

Also good news, still no Sacred Scrolls Of The Southern Ojibway under $100 anywhere, but I noticed that Vennum's The Ojibwa Dance Drum seems to be coming back into print in February. I located a PDF download of the entire text some time back but I like having actual books, and this is a hard to find/expensive one. How nice! I'll have to keep my eyes open. Too bad they won't bring Dewdney's book back into print.

And I'm getting seriously ready to strangle some red squirrels with their own tails.

 

The Voice Of The Crane Echoes Afar: The Sociopolitical Organization Of The Lake Superior Ojibwa, 1640-1855 arrived today. That was certainly fast, considering that I only paid for it on the 18th, I think. I do wish it were a bigger book for the monstrous price, but oh well, at least it looks interesting. One less book out there for me to lust after. Today at Amazon Marketplace, instead of engaging in a bidding war on one and paying twice as much for the other on eBay, I bought a book about ancient Lake Superior copper mining and one about Huronia, though I know I shouldn't have, I do hope I don't regret all this buying.

I thought for sure I had something else to write in here about. But I honestly can't think of a single thing. Stupid. Ah, now I remember. I think I've already figured out roughly the route I wish to take on the island this summer. Yes, premature, I know. I'm thinking I wish to head up the middle from Garrison Road along British Landing Road, but, before reaching British Landing, heading onto British Landing Nature Trail to go out to Friendship's Altar. Then head back around to British Landing for a rest. Then head back the way I came, only detour onto State Road and head out to Cave of the Woods for a spell. Then get back onto British Landing Road and head back toward town, BUT, if I still have the strength, on the way back detour to Fort Holmes. It's been a while since I've been up there. Then take Watch-Your-Step Trail back down, and make my way back into town via Crow's Nest Trail near Marquette Park. If I have the energy. *cross fingers*

So. I'm guessing that's all I really had in mind when I came to post this entry. So I suppose that's all. Tar...

 

Five of my nine outstanding books arrived today! The mailman left them in a big rubberbanded bundle on the porch step. How delightful. It's like the Christmas I didn't quite have.

And this is quite tiny but it's bugging the snot out of me since I posted the entry of 1/11/09. Right after I first mention the rabbits, there's supposed to be a heart emoticon, , but for some reason it doesn't display--it's just a blank square. It's the same in my WDC blog and in the InkSpot one. I thought perhaps that emoticon was broken, but I tested it in my Notepad here on the site (WDC) and it works there. I guess I'll see when I post this entry if the emoticon is somehow broken in blogs. I thought of reporting it in the Tech forum, but I'm not much liked there, since I seem to find all the stupid little errors that nobody much cares about. (For example, the fact that InkSpot doesn't display the contents of folders beyond page one apparently doesn't bother anyone but me, seeing as I reported this bug months ago and it's still there. )

Two of the books I'm still awaiting and just ordered the other day are on ritual abuse; really interested in that. I finally went and bought The Voice Of The Crane Echoes Afar, I think it's called, a book about the Ojibwa around Lake Superior or something...new on Amazon it's like $140 (it USED to be $135!) but I bought it used for $95, I think. Ugh. It chafes me to spend so much on one little book (it's not even a lengthy one), but I haven't any luck finding it cheaper, I had two gift certificates totaling (sic?) $50, and I was so irked that AW was down that I told myself to go and get it while the used copy was available. (The seller of the item really wanted people to know that he's an extreme right-winger who didn't vote for Obama, for some weird reason, like somebody buying a book from him needs to know. I really don't care to know the political leanings of my sellers, thankyouverymuch.) So, I did. That cut off half the price and that book doesn't hang over my head anymore (let's hope it arrives, *cross fingers*). Still won't spend $450 on any book though.

OMFGYOW I just went out in bare feet in the snow to retrieve the bird food bowls so Dad doesn't cover them with ice...felt like my feet were on fire! Then, they got very pleasantly warm. Weird.

This is sad, I'm already mulling over what trails I should take on Mackinac Island in the summer. I must visit Cave of the Woods this year, perhaps also Friendship's Altar. Ugh how I hate this cold and snow.

Tar...

ETA: Hm...the popup text over the heart emoticon says "Heart," whereas the text over whatever I put in my older entry says "Love." Perhaps I typed in "love" instead of "heart," thence why the emoticon doesn't work, but I'm puzzled as to why there's popup text to tell me that it says "Love" if it's invalid code. Ah well. Tar again...

ETAA: And I meant "hence," not "thence." TAR ALREADY.

 

I wonder what the heck has happened to the Absolute Write Water Cooler? It takes me to Google Images (i. e., can't find server) the past two days and I don't know anywhere to check to see what the site status is. The site LJ hasn't been updated in months and the owner's website doesn't say squat either. Go figure that the only really decent writing forum I find and dedicate half a year and over a thousand posts to just up and disappears without warning.

ETA: Well, this is distressing. The message board host is still up and running, just not Absolute Write. *sigh*

 

I'm starting to think that perhaps many of these goldfinches, including, I believe, the one I touched, are not actually goldfinches after all. They're too stripy, and goldfinches haven't stripes, not even juveniles. I think perhaps these are pine siskins.

Interesting, as I've never even really known of this type of bird before. They look so much like the goldfinches when they're amongst them that I honestly thought they were one and the same, but some of these birds are dull yellow/brown and stripeless, and others are stripy. I got some pictures, but they're only of two stripy ones, so I can't compare. I'll have to take a better look the next time I see them.

Ew, Kitty just gurked a couple of times. Had to clean it up.

One of my Amazon Marketplace purchases has come through, still waiting for the others though. I hate how impersonal PayPal has made the eBay buying process. There's virtually no interaction with sellers anymore. I bought a couple of books from a seller on the eighth and they haven't even notified me of them being shipped, if they even have yet. I'll try to be patient and give them two weeks before asking if they've shipped. It'd just be courteous if sellers could notify buyers of such a thing, is all. I just recalled they're in Canada, I think; hm. Well, they should still at least let a buyer know when they're shipping things. It's only polite. A couple of my Amazon sellers notified me of such a thing, but the others didn't.

Goodness, my Amazon wish list has gotten so long. ;_; When I find old/out-of-print books from eBay back in print at Amazon I add them to my list and skip buying them on eBay if possible. I have to keep myself from buying like crazy. Best to get rarer items first, and save in-print things for a more convenient time.

Anyway, tar.