Well, here some ways to detect compulsive gossiping.

1. You start a conversation with, "Do you know...” Seldom do those three words begin a discussion about origin of the universe.

2. You can't resist telling a better story than the person before you. The juicier your story, the more your anxiety mounts.

3. You strain to hold off a bodily function usually performed at a bathroom fixture to get in one more shot. There is danger here in becoming, yourself, the object of gossip if you defy the laws of physics too long.

4. You begin a good gossip and realize that you are gossiping about yourself. This is a form of self-flagellation. If you find that you continue to enjoy flogging yourself, get help immediately.

5. Since you were old enough to remember, you have an irresistible urge to lean against drinking fountains. This usually happens in offices which are historically hotbeds of new material, or new versions of old stuff.

6. You can't resist looking into windows as you take your jog. It is a happy jogger who can return after a good run with a choice morsel of gossip. It's truly a full body workout.

7. You find yourself making up stories about anyone, anytime you experience a brain-fart among other experienced gossipers. This usually is detectable as you accentuate your fabrication with, "Can you believe it?" or worse,” Really, it's true!" The latter exclamation is evidence of self-denial requiring a complete deprogramming session with at least your local exorcist. Credit cards are usually accepted.

8. You awake in the middle of the night in a sweat because you just had a nightmare that the government had banned gossiping and you were running from the FGP (Federal Gossip Police).

9. If you hear no gossip within a twenty-four-hour period, you have to take laxatives to keep you regular. This is known as the Pent-up Meddling Syndrome, PMS for short. Before you ladies go crazy, this is a unisex affliction.

10. Finally, you are willing to risk everything to get a new story and pass it along to others. You find yourself obsessively grasping gossip before anyone else gets it. You become rude, intrusive and maniacal. The final telltale is when a network executive offers you a job as a news reporter. Alas, there is no cure once you have reached this stage, especially if you are getting big ratings.