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Part 2 Of Forgiving
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I crossed over the threshold of the doorway with a cold clammy feeling. It felt as if I was a separate entity watching myself walk in the door. My mind was blank shutting out any noises I heard, voices etc. My eyes refused to settle on any one thing looking straight ahead at the Christmas tree that had been knocked over. Lights of all different colors sparkled and shone in their intensity. Christmas gifts were strewn all over the floor at random bearing a red substance that my mind shied away from naming. People moving around saying things that I was not taking in, my mind shutting out their voices, my eyes just watching the scenes playing out before it.
At length my glance fell on two stretchers that had blankets covering them. My eyes skittered past this specter and landed on the area around these two stretchers. I stepped over a blown glass lamp that was in pieces on the floor, making my way to the two stretchers amid the chaos around.
I could sense voices in the middle of speaking stopping abruptly as I went still closer. My breathe felt as if it had deserted me, and I felt light headed. My hands shook as I reached out for a corner of the blanket that was nearest to me. It seemed as if time had frozen in that second, no sound, no movement what so ever in the room. Just my hand reaching ever so gently for that red blanket.
At this time I can honestly say I had no recollection of where I had left my husband and son, I was so focused on that stretcher nothing else could get in., Yet I felt real fear and despair, such as I have never known before. My mind appeared frozen and numb not willing to be a part of this. It just did not want to accept what it would likely find.
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